|
Doulas and Dads |
|
The question I hear women ask most often when they are considering working with a doula is “But what about my husband?”
Hiring a doula does not diminish the value of the support that can be offered by your husband or partner, or your mother, sister or friend. What a doula can do is to help that loved one offer you the best support possible. A doula does this in many ways.
* A doula is like a walking childbirth education class. Her experience and her objectivity allow her to recall in far greater detail the things that you have read or heard about birthing. And, chances are, she knows a great deal more than you have read or heard. Even the most well read dad is likely to forget salient details when his love and concern for you being to overpower his intellect.
* A doula helps you to communicate with your support persons. During prenatal visits, your doula may raise issues that you and your partner never would have discussed otherwise, which saves your partner from being surprised by these issues during labour. Even after formulating a thorough birth plan, circumstances may change your mind about what you want. A doula helps your partner to understand that those changes are normal.
* A doula can offer physical support to your partner. Particularly during long labours, your support person may become exhausted if they can not be spelled off occasionally. Even the time it takes to go to the bathroom or grab a bite to eat may be more than a labouring woman wants to be alone for. Remember: your partner does not experience the same cascade of hormones to support him throughout labour. The powers of a labouring woman can be super human, but those of her caregivers are mortal.
* A doula can offer emotional support to your partner. We’ve all heard the stereotype of the labouring woman who suddenly turns on her husband with terrible accusations and abuse. While this rarely actually happens, it is not uncommon for a woman whose entire body is focused on her physical work, to neglect the kind of tact and care she usually demonstrates toward her husband. A man about to become a father can be easily hurt and confused by this ‘stranger’, but the doula is there to smooth the rough edges of what she has said, and to remind him of all the ways he can be helpful and loving toward his wife.
* A doula can never love you the way your baby’s father does. Dad’s place at the birth is unique and unassailable. However, there will come a moment when your husband fully realizes that he is ‘almost a Daddy’. Whether it’s preparing to catch the baby, or cut the cord, or just taking a deep breath, he can comfortably leave your side for a moment if he knows that the doula is there. Your doula is never ‘almost’ anything. She is only ever your doula.
If you’re still not convinced that your baby’s father and your doula fill distinct and equally valuable rolls, ask yourself this: If you invited your husband to be present at the delivery of your best friend’s baby, what would he say? Because your doula would be there in a heartbeat.
|
|
Captains, it’s time to choose your team. |
